How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
