remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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