My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
