He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
