haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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