Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
