I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize