I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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