u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
