I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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