Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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