We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
