At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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