i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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