Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
