before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
