the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize