And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
