Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize