it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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