i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
