I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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