Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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