I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
