The maid of honor just puked.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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