white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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