i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
