that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
