My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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