i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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