Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i drank out of a bidet.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
