He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
