I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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