A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
