dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
