girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
