i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
