Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
