Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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