i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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