Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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