dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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