the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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