dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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