He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize