My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize