Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
