I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
