Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
