if you like me you must not know who I am
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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