Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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