you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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