the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
