I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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