I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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