that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
