I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
