I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
