If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
