In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i think we sleep fucked last night...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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