In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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