i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
