3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
