Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
