If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
