SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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