His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
