She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
