The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
