It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
