This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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