We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
