I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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