Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize