we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
