im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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