Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
