Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
