I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
