I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
