Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
