I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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