You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
