Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize