As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
