would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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