grandma shit on top of the toilet
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
