woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We have started to decorate penises.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
