Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize