We're facebook friends in real life
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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