when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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