Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just google imaged poop.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
