Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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