We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
