I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
