I cut my penus on the lid.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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