This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
