I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dont even know how to be here
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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