you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
