69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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