Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
